the taste page

there are few things more refreshing or enjoyable than dining at a high-class establishment. but few people actually are aware of all the aspects that go into the creation of the delectable delicacies.

consider, for instance, the wait staff. a dedicated team of highly trained professionals, right? well, at first glance perhaps, but after noticing that your ostensibly beautiful waitress is hiding behind several feet of foundation, fighting the tobacco induced aging that makes her look 27 even though in actuality she is 19. who knows, she may even have some post-tensioned rebar buried somewhere underneath all those cosmetics. but that's just the primary hint.

the second comes when she opens her mouth to take your order. her voice croaks like the hinges on shakespeare's coffin. somehow you suspect that it may not be a frog stuck in her throat but a half carton of virginia slims. if you asked her friends, they'd tell you that after she got tired of wasting cigarettes from being pulled off break early she just started swallowing them whole. with enough determination, a bum could recover enough smokes on one good kiss to save enough for a refrigerator box under a dryer vent and a schwinn to haul it all around with. now that's the real deal.

so the next time you see that artistically arranged artichoke and turkey sandwich, be thankful that your waitress wasn't required to physically touch the food at any point with her hands. though the people who did are a different story...